Too many kids, not enough hands

Every Thursday night, Cate leaves for work at about 6, right after I get home from work. Sometimes, like tonight, we meet at tae kwon do and Cate leaves from there.

Used to be that I would dread Thursday nights, like several months ago when Cate's schedule changed, but lately I've just been taking it all in stride. They're good kids. Tonight's bed time started off a little wacky and I thought I would turn the little portable digital recorder on and see what came of it.

(This photo is an outtake from the other night. Not tonight.)

I have sent Elizabeth to get her pajamas on and Robert to brush his teeth. So far tonight, Robert is the star of the group because he got his pajamas on the first time he was asked, and promptly.

I don’t really ask Colleen to do anything. There’s not much point.

Robert comes out from the bathroom and says, “See how pearly white my teeth are?” I glance briefly and assure him, “You’ve done a great job getting ready for bed, Robert!”

Colleen comes back out to me in the kitchen and says, “RAR! Dinosaur!” Elizabeth has been chasing her. I shout back into the back of the house, “Elizabeth, you aren’t anywhere near your pajamas!” She is running back to her room and says, “I’m near my pajamas!”

She doesn’t have them on, however.

Robert: Nobody comes in my room! (takes book and slams door)

Dad: Robert, My Friend is Sad is a library book; it goes back tomorrow.

Elizabeth: No, my library day is tomorrow. Your library day was yesterday.

Robert: I know! I got a note. That means I have to bring it tomorrow.

Dad: Oh, because you didn’t have it today. Do you have it now?

Robert shows dad the book.

Dad: Oh, Mercy Watson. I thought you had My Friend is Sad.

Robert: Oh, that’s my library book.

Dad: Public library or school library?

Robert: School library. (Colleen complains in the background.)

Elizabeth: She wanted to look at My Friend is Sad.

Dad: And where is My Friend is Sad?

Robert: Oh.
Elizabeth: (overlapping) Robert has it.
Robert: I don’t know where it is.
Elizabeth: You just took it out of her hand earlier!
Robert: That was There Is a Bird On Your Head!
Elizabeth: Well then that’s the one she wanted!
Robert: No! Elizabeth, it’s due to the library! (Colleen complains in the background.)

Dad: Which one … which one’s due to the library? I feel like I’m in a Who’s on first sketch.

Robert: Both of them.

Colleen: Give me the birds book back!

Elizabeth: Both of them? How can you have two library books? Kindergarteners can only have one.

Colleen repeats “I need the birds” underneath.

Robert: I have one from the Loudoun County. Not the school library. (Colleen: Book! Book!) The one with the playground.

Elizabeth appears to be sucking water out of a Ziploc baggie.

Robert: Oh my goodness! That’s weird!

Dad: OK, Robert,

Robert: Is that thing running out of …

Elizabeth: It was my ice pack.

Colleen grunts.

Colleen: Daddy, I take-a off a pants!

Dad: I will take off your pants – give me a second. Robert, can we read the book?

Robert nods.

Dad: Thank you. Go get it.

Robert offers Mercy Watson.

Dad: No, the one she’s looking for.

Robert: Oh man, why?

Dad: Because I asked, and I’m the dad.

Robert: Hmmph! Meanie! I don’t want it read because it’s due!

Dad: I understand that, but we’ll take care of it, OK? We know it’s due tomorrow.

Colleen: Dad, not these jajamas – the penguin jajamas!

Robert: This book was due five, ...

Dad: The penguin pajamas?

Robert: ... five weeks ago!

Dad: Oh, that’s not true. Relax. (To Colleen) What color are the penguin pajamas? Are they pink?

Elizabeth: They’re pink. They’re in her dress-up basket.

Dad: They’re not. (Heads to the hallway.) They’re out here.

Elizabeth: Oh, OK.

Robert: But we’re reading …

Dad: Here we go Colleen, pink pajamas, OK?

Colleen: Daddy! I need the Dora jajamas!

Dad: I thought you wanted the penguin pajamas.

Colleen: No! Dora jajamas!

Dad: (Laughing) I swear to God she asked for the pink pajamas! Dora pajamas?

Colleen: Birds head? Birds head?

Dad: What, sweetie?

Colleen: Birds head.

Dad: I don’t know what you mean.

Robert: Bird said?

Dad: There is a Bird on My Head?

Colleen: Birds head book?

Dad: Birds head book? Yes, we’ll do that, but you need to have your pajamas on.

Colleen: Can I (unintelligible) will fly?

Dad: You can’t have all the Mo Willems books, Colleen. (takes off diaper, checks to see if it was wet) Oof, P.U. stinky.

Robert: Eww.

Colleen grunts.

Dad: Here you go, Colleen – arms up.

Dad takes Colleen's shirt off and tosses the rolled-up diaper into the hallway.

Robert: Why do you always throw it?

Dad: Because I want to get it into the hallway and out of the bedroom.

Robert, overlapping: Elizabeth, put that diaper in the trash can!

Dad: Because if I get it in the hallway I know I’ll get it in the trash can later. If it stays here in the bedroom then who knows. Where are the diapers being kept?

Robert: In the trash.

Dad: Uhh, how about the clean ones?

Robert: Oh. Mommy just got a new pack today.

Dad: We do – we do have a new box of diapers.

In the background, Elizabeth explains that they were on her seat in the car when she came home. I asked if they were on her seat in the car when she was in the car, which of course they weren’t. Because she was on her seat in the car. While I'm out of the room, Colleen picks up There is a Bird on Your Head and starts "reading" it out loud to herself.

Colleen: Here we go Piggie … Here you see you have birds on head … Birds! Where! … Baby birds on head! …

Dad: I’m coming Colleen, don’t worry. Robert, Elizabeth doesn’t need help.

Colleen: Ahh … A bird, aaaaack! … Oh no …

Dad: (reading from the book) They are in love. Colleen, you got your pants on, but I need to put the diaper on.

Colleen: No.

Dad: Yes, I do. I need to put the diaper on, for when you sleep. Do you want to go potty?

Colleen ponders that.

Dad: Are you going to go potty?

Colleen gets up.

Dad: OK, you go potty. (To someone) Can you turn the light on in the bathroom for Colleen? (To Robert) Mercy Watson, yes, we will read Mercy Watson, I promise.

Colleen: Daddy!

Dad: Yes, Rober… yes, Colleen, you going potty?

Robert: I’ll go in there.

Dad: She doesn’t need that much help, Robert, she’ll be fine.

Robert goes anyway. Dad is straightening up Colleen’s bed.

Colleen: Aaah! Robert! What are you doing? No!

Dad: Robert, please!

Robert: (not really under his breath) OK, she can go by herself.

Dad: I asked you to leave her alone.

Robert: Oh. I didn’t really hear that.

Dad: You should really listen.

Elizabeth runs in and flops onto her bed.

Dad: Elizabeth, first of all, aren’t you kind of old to be jumping on the bed? Secondly, your foot is on what?

Robert: Her belt (tae kwon do)
Elizabeth: My green belt

Dad: Yeah. Does it belong there, I’m sure? Maybe I’ll let Robert take it to tae kwon do on Saturday. What do you think? … I’d have to wrap it around him like 12 times but I think that would work. I think Robert could be a green belt, what do you think?

Robert: N-o.

Dad: No? Well, at least you’re honest.

Robert: Dad, don’t say the words I spell out loud!

Dad: (not really listening) That’s good, spelling’s good, we like spelling.

Robert: Do not say the words I spell out loud.

Dad: Alright, why?

Robert: H-I, D-a-d.

Dad: Hello, Robert.

Elizabeth: Hi dad!

Robert: Hey!

Dad: He just said not to do that.

Elizabeth: Oh.

Dad: We can play his game.

Elizabeth: Hey Robert, what was it that you spelled in the car for what song you wanted?

Robert: C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. (That’s the actual title of the song, it’s spelled out)

Elizabeth: No, you said song! You said jellyfish. J-e-l-l-y-f-i-s-h! Jellyfish, jellyfish.

Dad goes to fetch Colleen from the bathroom. She’s not ready to leave. Elizabeth continues to sing Jellyfish and occasionally stings him.

Robert: Ow! Zap! On my head!

Elizabeth: (as Piggie) There is a bird on your head.

Robert: (as Gerald) What? There is a bird on my head?

Elizabeth: No, there is a pig on your head!

Robert: Aaagh! There is a pig on my head. … Daddy, there is a pig on my head!

Dad: (not looking) Really?

Robert: (balancing the Mercy Watson book on his head) Really.

Robert sings nonsense singsong chanting. Elizabeth joins in.

Elizabeth: There is a bird on your head.

She discovers the recorder.

Elizabeth: Hey, why is that thing in here?

Robert: Daddy. Daddy’s recording this.

Elizabeth: What’s this little thingy? What is it doing?

Dad: Robert knows.

Elizabeth: He told me. Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Robert: (laughs) I love this conversation, and now it’s going to go onto the blog!

Dad: How’d you know? How’d you know I was going to do a blog about this?

Robert: Because this is totally weird?

Dad: What?

Elizabeth: Because this is totally weird.

Dad: Well, I think we better stop it then. I don’t think we could end it much better than that.